- You have not joined a yoga class yet because you think it's gay . OBVIOUS HINT # 1 : 90% of attendees are HOT women. 90% are skinny and sexy. 90% are laid back and very cool. BUT … you obviously know better.
- You have not signed up for a cooking class yet. OBVIOUS HINT # 2: 80% of students are women and statistics have consistently demonstrated that women think that a man in a kitchen is sexy as hell.
- You have not attended a wine or fine food event. OBVIOUS HINT # 3 : Your eyes are obviously glazed over from the unused and now-melting brains cells in your thick head … and you are completely clueless that women absolutely LOVE fine dining and wine.
- You have not joined a salsa dance class or ballroom dance class even though the most popular show on TV is Dancing With The Stars. OBVIOUS HINT # 4 : Ever surprised who the viewing audience demographic is for this show? Do you think they're marketing to 50 year old Schlitz – drinking Lumberjacks? You DO realize that your dance partner will not be the same gender as you, right?
- You consistently frequent the same places like Fat Burger and complain about the fact that you're chunky and that there are never any hot looking men or women there. (no explanation needed … right?)
- You are a woman who signed up for Match.com with the hopes of luring that elusive, hunk of love who speaks with an accent, sports six pack abs, is gainfully employed and kisses like a soap star. With that dream in your head, you proudly display either ONE (1) entire picture of yourself on your profile OR you decided to go the extra mile to indulge him and proudly display pictures galore..including:
– the blurry one of you and your drunk girlfriend …. in Halloween costumes
– the close up shot of your 3 cats
– your stuffed animal collection
– the one of you sitting depressed- looking in a room … alone (maybe as well have a noose around your neck)
– the one of you on a ski trip dressed like a freakin 'Eskimo
– the one of you placing in the dark …. with a drink in your hand and your left eye half shut.
– the one that you took 9 years ago at Glamor Shots after a full-cake make up job, touch-ups and with 20 less pounds wrapped around your midsection.
– the pics that you took yourself (arm extended with your cell phone) of everything EXCEPT 90% of guys want to see first .. the 90% of you that lies between your chin and big toe.
7. You're the guy looking for marriage . You also posted a profile on Match.com and you made damn sure to include a whopping 3 sentence summary about yourself too! Good Boy! Plus, you graciously included photos that would make any woman's knees buckle …. including:
– your Camaro
– your Suzuki CZRQB TR 4000m turbo street bike
– your Camaro (from a different angle)
– your camping trip with your prison friends
– your new paintball gun
– the picture of you on your cell phone trying to look important (standing outside your probation officer's office)
– that photo of you looking pissed at the world with a smug look that could not get you laid in a whorehouse with a fist- full of 50's.
8. You like pain and so, therefore, you continue on the same old path leading you to the same old results. Please do not say that you are turning into your parents now …. PLEASE!
9. You've already started saying bizarre things to yourself like: "I like being single" or "What do I need a man for, anyways?" Egypt "Screw it …. I am turning gay tomorrow!" You simply refuse to step up, stop whining and get a life by working with a professional who can help you get what you want.
10. You actually believe that God is purposely doing this to you . Listen pal, instead of blaming everyone else, see how a change in your thinking can get you out of your slump! What do you have to lose?
Until next time …